ok so 2011 was a busy hectic year maybe 2012 will be nicer =) well may everyone have a great 2012 and lets all make it to 2013 =D

normally a new year's post i will post my new year resolution and stuff but not this year cos i dont think i will even keep to one =D soooo...i shall just write mini letters to people in my life

to my friends;

WISH YOU GUYS A GREAT YEAR!!!! New year new beginnings lets forget all that happened in the past and move forward with new POVs and most importantly stay healthy!!!

to the BEARS;

GUYS WE HAVE MADE IT TO ANOTHER YEAR!!! some of us are no longer in close contact with us and there are some conflicts in 2011 but hey we are graduating!!! Means we got to make more effort to get together and catch up!!!! New year = new obstacles that might break us apart but i am sure if we all work together we can still stick together as close as we are right now!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

to the guy (only some will know);

well it's been 2 years plus since i felt what i feel and bottled it up in a glass bottle. I cant help you with much and i have never been able to share your sorrows but to be able to help you on the sidelines is satisfying. Maybe one day you will know maybe one day I will forget but till then the urge of me letting you know have to be suppressed because it ain't the right time YET

to my annoying brother;

STOP ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!! but thanks for being there when i REALLY REALLY need it. Oh and the funny like hell times we share hehehe AWESOME!!! but seriously stop annoying me!!!

well i shall end here right now cos i have so much to do (NOT!!!)

alright i am just lazy so i will stop here toodles and have a great weekend (YES TML IS STILL A WEEKEND COS IT IS A PH)

love; Ewen

with loads of ♥.3:11 PM

i never get to view my life at a dead end or where i dont see a particular path for me to walk onto. nothing feels so mysterious and uncharted to me for the past 19+++ years although i never had things the way i wanted them but i always get the ultimate goal of it...in other words im satisfied with what i've got!!! but now that IIP is ending, imma graduate from RP on May 18th OFFICIALLY (WOOHOOOOO!!!!!) but one big question is in my head... What is my next step? Where would I go from here? or in lay man's term.... SO NOW WHAT?

How do I proceed?

Where am I headed to?

What am I going to do?

How long am I going to take before moving on?

Am I willing to do it?

How much do I want?

Will I like what I choose?

WHAT ARE MY PLANS? Study?? Work??

so many questions to answer and yet i have no clue...to cut off studying and enter the adult world it aint easy yet many have done it perfectly!!! Do i have the strength to survive??? Am I ready for it??

it is no longer a straight path where the directions are obvious... I have reached not just a cross-junction but a junction that leads to different paths. Some are brightly lid where it is tempting and seems like the most right road to go, others are dark and misty where I have to take each step super carefully

Well whatever it may be I am going to not regret my decision!!! and I'm sure things will work out just right for me as long as i head towards my goal any path that brings me there will be the right one (who really knows which path is the right one?)

with loads of ♥.9:47 PM

It's that castle we build around ourselves, a story that no one's told, a fairy tale that seem too good to be true. We all want to ride off into the sunset with the person we love and live happily ever after...but we have to wake up at a certain point to realize this is REALITY. It stabs us where we are the most vulnerable unless we do something about it. Nothing lasts forever, we can never be a child again neither can we revive loved ones...so does relationship. It doesnt end with a wedding the real challenge comes after the marriage. How do you build up a family with the person you love or understand the person so well that you are able to live with him/her nothing last forever but nothing is impossible at the same time! once given the chance we need to learn how to grab a hold of it and never easily let it go!!

For me a guy with deep set eyes that seem like liquid and mysterious, hands that are big and safe when i hold them, shoulders strong and wide to offer me some comfort and security. Hair that shines in the sun, but the most important would be the heart then is generous and honest. if i ever come by a guy like that I would never want to let him go but if I have to I will. But as of now he is just a imaginative figure not someone I know fits into that ideal guy of mine. I know i will come by a guy close to that and I will be happy with it. Till the day come, I will be alone in bed, facing problems alone and I'm the only one I can cry to.

with loads of ♥.9:29 PM

everything still happens when you suffer, cry, laugh, sleep... I swear it is weird to walk pass the ICU seeing an old couple walk out of the ward looking sad or hear the doctor tell a group to be prepared before entering the ward, and later walk pass a family with all smiles and a newborn baby in the hands of a proud new mom. A place where I work is also the place where people celebrate an addition to their family or mourn over the leaving of a loved one which happened too early. To see such drastic range of emotions in a day it really makes me think what am i doing in my life. All i think of is me, mourning over the fact that I am never better than others. Thinking how naive of me to actually think, things actually happen the way i think they will.

Life aint easy, one minute you see joy and the next it could be ripped off from you. accept whatever comes your way, celebrate for being alive each day and live it to the fullest. Live life with no regrets. Solve a problem and never create it again.

Alright nuff of my nonsense that i just feeling like penning down...so work has been well...alright just that my skin doesn't approve with it since it keeps popping out those nasty pus filled bumps arghhh maybe being in school would be a better choice HAHAHAHA so i have just found out my aunt and uncle are coming to Singapore during christmas YAY ME!!! I missed them since my trip over there to see them =D but this time round...no sports car to beat a red light -.- oh well and the best thing is they are here after my attachment ends!! means more time to spend with them!!!! before they fly off to India for New Year's. I get to celebrate Christmas with them it is enough =D Anyway my aunt will be back in Jan to celebrate my grandfather's birthday before she flies back to LA. OH YEAHHHHHHH hehehe this means more shopping and USS again in JAN!!! hahaha im all excited once IIP ends on the 21st Dec, attend a christmas party with RHS on the 23rd then on the 25th Dec my aunt and uncle is here!!! with another christmas party with my family that night the next few days means shopping shopping and more shopping!!! a little rest till my aunt is back again and then MORE shopping!!! when she is gone USS here I come again!!! and re-dye my hair for CNY then end jan CNY it self fuck yeah I will has MAROON/RED HAIR (I hope) then April is GRADUATION!!! rather packed but in between I need to find a job to settle down into...

alrighty i will end here I might have bored people off from here so toodles =D

love ; Ewen

with loads of ♥.5:50 PM

so many things happened since i last updated this awesome place (talk about thick skin) from constant mugging for my last round of UTs, preparing for IIP, actually starting and getting used to the routine at work and also well a little social life got in (not going into that)

so UTs were hell like for real...no choice but to get my ass there mug every night and try my best...good thing the results weren't that bad so it's alright i guess finally completed my last semester at RP so it is onto my next chapter in life either to university or work...but in the meantime i was accepted from an internship programme so had to attend talks to prepare us and what to do before the attachment actually starts than onto the interview and to more talks, preparations and finally the start

so it has been 2 months in attachment, I really enjoy my time here!!! the people are awesome and really patient cos i can be really stupid at times (as usual) i have learnt many different things from this attachment from customer service skills to communication and also to being able to mingle with people of different age group...it is really hard to work with people from different age group but i am able to slowly adapt to it since i have colleagues with closer age gap so i slowly try talking to them and gain skills to talk more...

customer service...now i know how it feels like to be on the other side of the counter... i mean i have always been in the customer's point of view never once at the staff's point but i have always wanted to feel how it is like to be on the other side. now that i am on the other side I think it is tough to be here yet it is somewhat satisfying to be able to serve someone properly...I dont have to be praised by the customer but i think to see them smile back at you it is good enough to hear them joke with you and share a little conversation it is rewarding to me...then comes the staffs who works behind the scenes, like in the back room or the people who are not at the front line in customer service but still serve an important role for the company or department to run smoothly...all these little details makes me understand how freaking hard it is to be in the service line...

it is a hard life to work and now i really want to go back studying but i dont have the money to move onto university and i am really interested to get into Newcastle University since they offer Zoology, Marine Biology and Marine Zoology these three courses are really interesting to me since i have always been into marine creatures and I really really wish to work with animals but for now i need to do more research before deciding no more that girl who wants to try out in the field only to decide that she actually hates it in the laboratory... but Queensland University of Technology offers Forensic Science which really interest me as does Speech Pathology in Curtin University not to mention their other course in sexology hahahaha that would be fun =D not to mention Broward College where i study for one semester and im able to choose any school in US in ANY course im seriously interested in that *hint: UCLA* but I really need to sit down and think it through maybe get my ass out to work a few years come up with a sum of money before heading over to study it is really much better on my parents' pockets since I am spending my own money and i should work and study at the same time over there in order to support myself well decisions decisions.... I hope i make the right one ensuring my future ahead is secured and bright with many LED lights!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA

alright i know it is a boring post but i have to update this place a little right??? hehehes so im off not to bore anyone of you out there who actually reads my blog so goodbye im off to enjoy my public holiday!!!! yay me!!!!

love ; ewen

with loads of ♥.9:46 PM

I worked my ass off but others get the credits, I try SO hard but others will not cooperate with me. and at the end it seems like everything is my fault...I really dont know what I should do at times...

Why cant I get a guy who loves me? why cant I get the life full of adventures? why cant i get the good grades? why cant I be the daughter my parents can be proud to say that's MY daughter? why cant I just be me around people I care about?

I care about others and I dont want them to hurt at all at least because of me...but I have come to realize I am hurting inside no matter how much I try to hide it!!! Some of the people I do not want to hurt have hurt me, while the others have not realize I am hurting...only that handful of them sees it and have reached out to me. I'm grateful for those people!! they are the only reason why I keep doing things the way i do them but now, I dont see a reason to do it that way...even those whom I think are alright are hurting me in ways I didnt think possible.

well i just wish there is someone there for me, to tell me that he thinks of me everyday and his feelings for me is worldwide... say that the world would stop just by looking into my arms or even just by holding me... yes all these are cheesy and nonsense but how I wish I also can get that fairy tale ending or the fantasy story lines... I guess not cos I have to face up to reality I need to look at it in a 'mature' way but no one have been mature, no one knows what it is like to be mature because we are always learning and even the adults will learn something from kids at times...so what I am saying is there is no way I will ever get that

well nuff of all the rants but who reads here anyway right? kay bye

with loads of ♥.7:08 PM

yeah not many people can survive a long distance relationship, but to have a guy say they want to tuck u in every night on the phone and meet a million pretty girl but still think of you and only you is sweet. how i wish i can get a guy like that...

ok...as u can see i am going crazy over BTR hahahaha yepz!!! well sorry for the lack of posts, been REALLY REALLY busy recently... what to do third year already, FYP UTs IIP registration sighhhh....well now im a little free cos FYP ended FUCKYEAH!!!!! hehehe

well life's been fun and a roller coaster ride...but it is all good now!! I have learnt from it and mature from it...I will not repeat those stupid mistakes, I know who my REAL friends are and I will keep them =) I will work towards MY OWN GOAL and not let anyone stop me!!! if they are not happy with me then they can STFU =) oh well these few months was hectic but with a pinch fun joy and laughter in it!! i love my girls from class and the guys are JOKERS!!! they just make my day tt much more enjoyable hehes

SO! I have visited USS and it was alright more rides more attraction but the Hollywood one is still the best hehehe I love the battlestar galactica ride that twines the red and blue line which represents the human and cyclone respectively!! hahaha tt is AWESOME!!!!!! and the mummy ride WOOHOO!!! i went with Indah and Faz they are awesome girls hehehe at least we got a break from all the FYP shit tt day =D LOVE tt day!!! so bloody awesome!!!!! hehes ok i think i might stop here!!! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

oh and ps...I AM NOT A MALAY GIRL!!! I AM CHINESE SO STOP SPAMMING MALAY STUFF ON MY TAGBOARD!!!! not to be racist or what but this is my site please know who I am before leaving stupid msg tt i can never understand here!! PLEASE RESPECT MY SITE!!!!!

love ; Ewen

with loads of ♥.11:36 PM